Are the Children Wrong, Or Are You Just Angry?

207-INSPIRATION

We don’t see and hear ourselves when we are angry, especially when dealing with our kids. We shout, scream, and say things that are considered very mean in an adult world. It’s true that we are tired beyond belief, enraged, and torn apart, but kids only exhaust us because they are so full of energy themselves. Hence, we are unable to keep up. They are hardly responsible for our meltdown, but they tend to pay a price for that as well.

I know most of us mothers can relate to the above scenario except for those who are truly patient. It’s not easy at all, so may Allah multiply their reward in this world and the next as well. Aameen.

I don’t realize the intensity of my behavior until I see someone else doing the same, and immediately I find myself in them. Alhamdulillah! He notifies us before we could think bad about others or before we even try to implant that mustard seed of arrogance in our hearts. What a mercy of Allah! Indeed, He is The Ever-Watching and The Wise!

I realize the severity of my rage when I hear mothers shouting at the tops of their voices. I can hear them despite the fact that we don’t share the same house and sometimes are not even immediate neighbors.

So I would like to highlight a few important points (reminding myself first):

  1. Soft words

A few sound decibels are enough to teach kids and make them understand that they need to listen to you. Use a tone that can reach their ears softly. When you shout so loud that the neighbors can hear as well, then it will hardly enter the kid’s heart, mind, or even soul. A firm tone is enough with the proper choice of words.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything, but it makes it defective.’ [Muslim]

  1. Patience

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and smack them (lightly) if they do not do so when they are ten.’ [Abu Dawood]

The hadith clearly teaches us to remind continuously with love for five times a day in three whole years— approximately 5475 times!

Do we have the capacity to be patient more than 5475 times over a simple matter? Do we teach with love? Is our rage more important than the value and command of Allah?

  1. Kindness

Being harsh towards children is against our human nature and religion. Parents are the first role models for their kids. They look up to them in times of distress and confusion. If we fail to give them comfort, they will seclude themselves and find refuge somewhere else— be it right or wrong.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: ‘The one who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’  [Bukhari]

  1. Zulm

Allah commands justice [and] the doing of good. [Quran, 16:90]

It was narrated from Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, narrating from Allah, may He be glorified and exalted: ‘O My slaves, I have forbidden zulm to Myself, and I have made it haraam among you, so do not wrong one another.’ [Muslim]

Zulm in Arabic means:

  • Lack of fairness
  • The act or instance of oppressing
  • Cruel or harsh treatment
  • An extreme or shocking violation of others’ rights
  1. Model:

Kids see, kids do! Imagine how would you feel seeing your kid doing the same? It is the best way to realize our mistakes.

We need to comprehend and internalize these aspects so that they can become our habits for the sake of Allah, in sha Allah.

May Allah make us mothers worthy enough to raise an ummah that strives to think, feel and do everything for the sake of our Rabb, Allah s.w.t.

Ameen.

Author Ayesha Farooq is the co-founder of AYEINA. She’s a soul juggling between the roles of a mother, wife, daughter in law, and student of deen and dunya. And with a hint of space in-between, she occupies herself with arts and crafts, photography, writing her heart out, and sewing. She keeps looking for more to do and explore. Always in search of contentment, finding it nowhere else but in Allah.

 

 

6 Comments

  1. Essa Mughal January 12, 2016 Reply

    Assalam-u-alaikum;

    MashAllah very well written article and right on time as I need it the most. May Allah grant softness, patience and make us role model for our kids and others.

    The most beautiful item which I like in this article the understanding of asking kids to perform Salah from the age of 7 and the total of 5475 times in 3 years, this is an amazing outcome of this Hadith which I have never thought or read. MashaAllah !

    May Allah increase all of us in Knowledge.

    Allah Hafiz
    Essa Mughal

  2. Umm Jamal January 13, 2016 Reply

    Beautiful reminder that brought a tear to my eyes – may Allah reward you ameen!

  3. saleem January 13, 2016 Reply

    Ma sha Allah. Really touching mails. I translated your message about how should we say prayer into urdu and distributed among many friends which is highly appreciated. I am always looking for new lessons.
    Regards and may Allah bless you more..
    Muhammad Saleem.

  4. Ayesha Farooq January 13, 2016 Reply

    Assalam u alaikum wr wb

    Jazakumullahu khairan katheera everyone for the kind response!

    Alhamdulillah for we are made an ummah who support and encourage each other in patience, goodness and piety.

    May Allaah accept it from all of us and make us raise God fearing children. Aameen 🙂

  5. Mustapha Abdulhamid January 14, 2016 Reply

    Jazakalllahu Khairan

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