I crawled, I walked, and then I ran,

But I stumbled before the flight began,


So I dragged myself on the runway to fly

As I felt the angel in me slowly die


I sinned and I repented and again I sinned,

Smothering in all the regrets I’d lived


I followed every Iblees— I fed his greed

I crossed the boundaries ’til I wasn’t even me


My spirit so restless, now trying to escape,

All through this nightmare I’ve been awake


The burden of it all, gravity couldn’t defy

And I waved the angel in me goodbye


I bathed in my sins, to an ebony heart

But now is the time that I want a new start


Sunshine has been sucked out of my life;

I am alive yet dead inside


My head betrayed my heart, a head deceived by thoughts,

My soul was filled with endless dots


So I dug a bit more, I searched the depth of my soul

I found the answer there, so I searched no more


The month of mercy has knocked at my door

And I’m now ready to open all four—


Tawheed, Salah, Sawm and Zakaat

To shed the darkness, tearing it apart


Let the light peek through holes

Let goosebumps fill me whole


I stare at the clock as it steals my time,

Cut its hands as it commits that crime


I shouldn’t say soon, I should say now—

Tomorrow is too late for me to bow


30 days are all I have, the clock won’t tick slow

I shall always reap what I always sow


So I burn all the bridges to not go back

Back to the shame, back to the wreck


I found peace when I bowed down to Him

To set my worth there, I don’t need wings


The weathers may change, life may move around

I wouldn’t want to fly because I like the ground


Angels don’t have free-will like mine

They only follow the commandments divine


Over angels, Allah gave Adam supremacy

He repented but I couldn’t continue the legacy


I don’t need to be an angel— I need to be me

All I need is a heart set free


Free for The One Who deserves the most

To Him my free-will is now sold


I’m glad the realization hit me swift

Before I could drown myself in countless sins


I won’t get up ’til You pardon every wrong deed

O Merciful, another chance is all I need


I will try my best to be my best

This tired soul now needs a rest


Please help me repair my damaged heart

Sorry, I couldn’t keep your treasure unharmed


Exhausted by my own sins, I plead to You,

Set me free from the burden I grew


I can’t lift it anymore, it’s burying me six feet deep

How will Iwalk towards You, carrying this heap


So before my breath leaves my lips

Forgive me, My Rabb, I don’t deserve it


Tears came streaming down my face

As I realized I was pulled from the haze



Samina Farooq is an engineer by qualification, a Qur’an student by occupation, a photographer by eye, a writer by heart, and a Muslim by soul.


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