(See the first part of this article here.)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَتَّخِذُوا بِطَانَةً مِّن دُونِكُمْ لَا يَأْلُونَكُمْ خَبَالًا وَدُّوا مَا عَنِتُّمْ قَدْ بَدَتِ الْبَغْضَاءُ مِنْ أَفْوَاهِهِمْ وَمَا تُخْفِي صُدُورُهُمْ أَكْبَرُ ۚ قَدْ بَيَّنَّا لَكُمُ الْآيَاتِ ۖ إِن كُنتُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ
O you who have believed, do not take as intimates those other than yourselves, for they will not spare you [any] ruin. They wish you would have hardship. Hatred has already appeared from their mouths, and what their breasts conceal is greater. We have certainly made clear to you the signs, if you will use reason. [3:118]
This is the kind of friend whom you can trust with the deepest secrets in your life. Batn actually means ‘stomach’, the innermost cavity of your body. Only believers can be taken as a friend of this kind with whom you share all secrets.
لَّقَدْ أَضَلَّنِي عَنِ الذِّكْرِ بَعْدَ إِذْ جَاءَنِي ۗ وَكَانَ الشَّيْطَانُ لِلْإِنسَانِ خَذُولًا
He led me away from the remembrance after it had come to me. And ever is Satan, to man, a deserter. [25:29]
This is the kind of friendship which is all fake. They pretend to be your genuine friend, but actually they are ready to desert you when you really need them. Shaytan is called a khadhool because he promises to be your friend, beautifies evil in your eyes and pretends as if he wants to give you what pleases you. But on the day of Judgment he will say:
Indeed, Allah had promised you the promise of truth. And I promised you, but I betrayed you. But I had no authority over you except that I invited you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; but blame yourselves. I cannot be called to your aid, nor can you be called to my aid. Indeed, I deny your association of me [with Allah ] before. [14:22]
فَانكِحُوهُنَّ بِإِذْنِ أَهْلِهِنَّ وَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ مُحْصَنَاتٍ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحَاتٍ وَلَا مُتَّخِذَاتِ أَخْدَانٍ
So marry them with the permission of their people and give them their due compensation according to what is acceptable. [They should be] chaste, neither [of] those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take [secret] lovers. [4:25]
This is the kind of friendship between men and women which is prohibited in Islam. Allah is telling the believing men to marry women who are chaste and don’t have akhdaan. The problem in our time is that this kind of friendship is beautified and romanticized so much in movies, music, books, in fact all ways of communication, that even children are not excluded from its influence.
Qarana means ‘to conjugate’. Ustadh Nouman mentions in the lecture that qarn is a rope that is used to tie two camels together, so that if one of them moves, the other is forced to move as well. Qareen is someone who always hangs out with you. You have similar tastes, and so you participate in activities together. You watch the same movies and like to go to same places.
A person in Jannah will remember his qareen on earth.
قَالَ قَائِلٌ مِّنْهُمْ إِنِّي كَانَ لِي قَرِينٌ
A speaker among them will say, “Indeed, I had a companion [on earth] [35:51]
His qareen was one who had gone astray, and was also leading him astray until Allah saved him.
He will say, “By Allah , you almost ruined me. If not for the favor of my Lord, I would have been of those brought in [to Hell]. [37:56-57]
خلال is a preposition which means ‘through’. A khalil is a friend ‘through and through’. He/she is someone who is very close to you. When they are there, you feel happy. When they are absent, you miss them a lot and are always thinking about them. This is the kind of friend that Allah was to Ibrahim (as).
ۗ وَاتَّخَذَ اللَّهُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ خَلِيلًا
…And Allah took Abraham as an intimate friend. [4:125]
Points to ponder: What kind of friend are we to others? Are we the kind of friend who can keep secrets? Are we reliable, or do we show our backs to them like Shaytan? Do we stick to our friends when they are in trouble? Do we go beyond bounds while making friends with the opposite gender? Can we be nice to those who are rude to us, or do we ‘give them what they deserve’?