The doctor broke the news: “Another miscarriage.”
“I will leave you forever — you are a barren woman,” said Imran.
“But is it my fault?” I sobbed.
Early Life
Married happily at the age of 18, I felt myself a very lucky girl. My husband had a good business, and being an only child I was loved by all; I was the center of attention for all the relatives.
After a few months of marriage everyone was inquisitive about when I would become a mother.
After a year I woke one morning with nausea. My mother-in-law was very excited. In the evening she took me to a doctor and after a small test we got the happy news— she was going to be a grandma, and my husband, Imran, was going to be a dad.
Mother-in-law’s Illness
My husband, myself, and my in-laws were all very happy at first, but within a few months my mother-in-law fell sick, suddenly bed-ridden from multiple diseases. I quickly became tired from doing the household chores as well as changing my her diapers, bathing her, and feeding her with various saltless dishes and soups. This added not only to my fatigue by also to my nausea.
In the 28th week I felt pains at mid-night. My husband was worried. We rushed to the maternity home.
Miscarriage
The nurses on duty checked on me and called the doctor to rush in. I was worried. The doctor was on time but they needed an immediate ultra sound to know what had caused the sudden pains. My husband was beside me, squeezing my hand to give me hope. I was already in tears. The syringes and drips continued and so also my pains they increased. Suddenly I blacked out.
When I woke up I saw my hubby beside me moving his hands on my hair. As soon as he saw my eyes open he declared, “The baby’s gone. You fainted when they wheeled you for the ultrasound. The baby was no more.”
Inconsolable
I was inconsolable— I had recently lost my parents in a car accident and my siblings lived in native villages days away from where I lived.
And whatever strikes you of disaster – it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much. [Quran, 42:30]
My husband and relatives keep assuring me: “Allah subhanahu wa taala will bestow you with more kids; you are serving your mother-in-law, so Allah will not deny you.” I slowly recovered, but I needed time to get back to normal, which was difficult with my ailing mother in law.
Relief
My mother-in-law’s brother had pity on me and took her to their home so that I could recover. Everything returned to normal. In a few months my ailing mother-in-law was back with me.
My husband was going for a lot of business trips. Usually he would take me so that we could have a relaxing time together but these days he preferred going alone because his mother was still bed-ridden.
The last trip really changed him. After he came home he nagged a lot and complained that things were not on time, not as perfect as before.
A Second Chance
I realized I was pregnant again.
My husband wasn’t the least bit interested in taking me to the gynecologist, so I went alone. She warned me to take complete bed rest or else I would lose this child too. I explained everything to my husband. His attitude changed— he was his old loving self again.He wanted to make arrangements for a servant who would take care of his mother and do the housework. I rejoiced at the happiness this bundle of joy was bringing.
More Woes
My joys ended when I started getting pains again in the 28th week. It was all over so soon. After the miscarriage I was deep in shock and so was my husband. We continued to serve his mother. But a nagging stomach pain wouldn’t leave.
Soon my mother-in-law was hospitalized due to kidney failure and there was more trouble financially as she had to be taken for dialysis twice a week. My stomach pain increased so much that I was forced to go for a checkup.
After the ultrasound the doctor after ultra sound declared, “You’ll never be able to become a mother again. There are too many complications— your uterus will have to be removed.” I can still hear those words keep lingering in my heart.
No More Than We Can Bear
I was still unable to recover from the first shock, and this was a huge blow. I was devastated. But I thought the words of the Quran: Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. [from the Quran, 2:286]
Also: Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,”When is the help of Allah ?” Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near. [Quran, 2:214]
I was also supported by my husband with these words: Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease. [from the Quran, 65:7]
Remorse and Prayers
Gradually I watched him drift away from me. Finally one day he declared, “I will leave you forever; you are a barren woman.”
“But is it my fault?” I sobbed.
He left the house and didn’t return that night or the next, and was gone more than a month. I didn’t have any provisions so I had to sell off my jewelry to feed my mother-in-law and myself.
I wondered, in whose arms does he lie? What does destiny have in store for us? But he hadn’t divorced me, so there was still hope. Every time I tried to sleep a mountain of doubts and thoughts would rise, so I would get up to perform wudu, read the Quran, and pray to Allah.
The Return
He did return, alhamdulillah! He came back a changed man who first sought forgiveness from me and then from his mother. He had joined a madrasa to learn more about deen. Before that he had been frustrated and depressed, and his friends had added fuel to the fire so he’d wanted to run away from everyone.
He not only bought me my jewelry back but my lost happiness too. His change changed me forever. He promised to devote his life to spreading deen and making Allah (swt) happy. His initial lessons from the Quran had brought him home because he’d learned that serving the family and saving them from fire was incumbent on him.
O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded. [Quran, 66:6]
~Written by Umme Muhammad, an Islamic writer who loves to spread Islam through the pen.
Sister if we believe in Allah (swt)100%sure Allah ‘s help will soon arrive like in ur case alhamdulillah
Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu 🙂 May Allah Subhanuwataa’la bless u and ur loved ones with immense rewards and happiness both in this world and next Ameen sis do not despair think of Sarah (May Allah be pleased with her) wife of Prophet Ibrahim (Peace be upon him) think of Mariam (Peace be upon her) Alhumdulillah Allah Subhanuwataa’la gave their examples for sisters like u and me to always keep faith in Our Lord..One day you will be blessed with a healthy righteous child In Sha Allah Ameen…..:)
MashaAllah.. N jzzkllah 4 lending us ths master piece.. Shrt, but with many thngs 4 us to learn..
May Allah blz u n ur fmly..
Jazakallah may Allah SWT guide us all .ameen.
The powerful of Zam Zam water.
My wife and me performed ourHajj in 1982 and gave half a liter of Zam Zam water when we visited my sister in law who had 8 girls. Before we left she asked me how to get baby boys since she had 8 children all females.
I advised her and her husband listened to the Hadith of our prophet sal lall lah hi wassalam that who drink Zam Zam water he/she would get what the intention is(Niat).
I left for South Australia for 2.5 years studying and visited them again with Twin boys. I joked with them by asking the husband who drank Zam Zam water and Niat to get a baby boy. Both said Yes. They faced the Kiblat and stand and then drink after the Niat. I said to them that Allah could give one in the first year and may be one more after one or more years. But the strength of Zam zam and the Hadith shown that both intention husband and wife were given by Allah during the same year by having the twin baby boys. They laughed after sharing the strength of the Holy Water and The truth of the Hadith. Please drink Zam Zam ,preferably standing face the Kiblat and Niat to achieve something. Insyak Allah we will see the result. Salam from Malaysia
MashaAllah for your steadfastness in the deen may Allah swt shower his blessings and mercy on you ameen!
sister if u know about sister ameenah ..who is a revert and was president of worlds islamic women’s association..she oo faced something like your prob where doctor said she cant have a child again.. but al hamdulila allah blessed her one..she named him BARAKHA.
BARAKAH*
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful story, ma sha Allah!! May Allah continue to shower His blessings upon you and your family, and upon us, and may we all die not, except as believers!
Assalamu alaikum ukhthi..
Its brig tears in my eyes..
Really a big lesson a true lesson for us..
Its really hard when you are in sadness and still you had faith so Allah bring smile ..
Jazakallah khairan for sharing..
May Allah bless your family with more kindness and khair…
Aslkm, its a very very inspiring article…unfortunately not an article but a true story. Allah wil reward u wit d best sister in both the worlds inshallah… N ur story struggle consistency has moved me much.
Sister, Asslamoalikum, i have read your article and my wife will just read it now as it is very emotional. we both pray that may Allah almighty bless you both in this world and aakhira,
Regards Waheed and family
is this is a true story.
Alhamdulillah. Such a beautifuli story…. May Allah bless you. May Allah guide us on the right path…amin….
Salam Alaykoum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatu. Great story! Thanks for sharing. I wish Almighty Alah (swt) would bring my husband back to me. He left the house almost a year ago now, and he just keeps in touch through the net. He would not hear about meeting and talking about us. He has asked me for the divorce but he never seems to have enough time to do the papers. I love him too dearly, so I prefer to wait. I always pray Alah for him and if it is His will , to return my husband to me, Insha Allah!
Be strong and seek energy to be from Allah, surely his support will be with you, life’s a test and brings many different challenges in many different ways. Remember him and surely he will remember you. In Sha Allah.
Aww. The great story, my careers that story is show us how Allah is powerful, please let us inctease our prayers. Inshaalah dear I wish all the best 4 ur life.
Alhamdulillah! That was an inspirational story. Dear brothers n sisters, I am going through a really tough time for some mistakes I made in the past. My husband wants to divorce me for that. I am newly married n don’t want this to happen. Please everyone keep me in your prayers n ask Allah not to take away my husband from me. I am so frustrated. :(((
Mashallah,
You know what, Indeed Allah help who place trust in him, look at myself been under spell for seven eight years , gone though wrost conditions, bought up to a state where find nothing but death, indeed Our lord Allah removed all disaster over night, o believers I say no matter what ever situation you are in, never commit shirk, rely upon Allah you will be successful. You were nothing you were created by Allah
BarakAllah. Wish you all the best sister. Behind every smile is a struggle. Lets keep all of us in their duas that Allah will give us blessings after each others struggles.
Alhamdulillah Allah said i am with you when ever you called me. So plz try and call Allah in everything
Sister your story is great reminder of why we should always have trust in Allah’s plans and be in a state of Gratitude.
Stay blessed
Assalamualaikum Sister,
Your story have touched me. I went through a devastating period of betrayal lies and deceits. The person that was holding the gun at that time (after 11 years of happy marriage) was the person that i was willing to take the bullet for(figuratively speaking). It had been a year of grief but also miracles. I could not recall much on how i have overcome the painful moments but some significant ones are worth to share:
1. Make a promise to yourself and ALLAH SWT that you will handle the tribulations in HIS way ONLY. Even most of the time you seem to be clueless on what to do, ask from HIM, talk to HIM, cry to HIM every time for ALLAH to guide you. (there are times that i literally asked for a TO DO List, and more than often i’ve been guided to do things that i have not intended to do at the first place)
2. Read between the lines….in my case trying to identify what is it that Allah wants you to learn from the test, rather than thinking about the effect and the test itself which will always clutter your mind with unnecessary and harmful thoughts – the most hardest thing to do
3. Weigh your past sins against the tribulations you are facing (WITHOUT BLAMING YOURSELF). This can only be done when you are in your sensible mood. In your mind list down your past sins and weigh it against what you are facing. More than often you will realize that your past sins seems to be a lot heavier than the tribulations itself…from this realization, feel the gratitude flowing in you and value how forgiving and merciful ALLAH SWT is to us. HE gave and gave and still giving and yet we keep on doing one mistake to the other…until when somebody you trust or rely wronged you that’s where you feel the pain of being wronged. Imagine we have been doing the same to none other than our very own creator…(and i am not even talking about Major sins but more of the daily things we unconsciously have been doing that HE abhors i.e backbiting or silent riya’ )
4. Be humble…i have accepted my defeat, i have accepted the humiliation and i have accepted at that point of time nothing that me and kids could have done to win back my husband….only ALLAH SWT has the power to save us. Like a child i cried and admitted my loss (when im alone)…i accepted all my dreams and life plan that i have envisioned crumbled…i have accepted that my future now in HIS hands and i leave it ENTIRELY to ALLAH SWT (you MUST FEEL this in your heart)
5. Nourished your spirits with “Soul Vitamins” – Always listen to islamic teachings and constant zikr. Slowly work on purifying your heart.
6. Do your part well….when you are facing tribulations, a wise sister advised me to do nothing extraordinary except for make constant supplication to ALLAH; pray sunnah and never skip the fardhu;be patient; be sincere in everything you do because you do it for ALLAH (from waking up to eating to smiling at the monster you have to face daily); give sadakah; be kind to the people who are kind to you ESPECIALLY to the people that have wronged you (all these ordinary acts have become extra ordinary especially for someone in pain and sadness)
Above are some of the things that i recalled of doing. Like the changing of season, you can see the changes in you and around you. Have you experienced the soft flutter of butterfly wings or feathers softly brushing your heart, when you are in love? Many in our shoes, have felt this but this time its not the wild overwhelming indescribable flutters at heart or stomach that the love songs serenaded about…its calming, sweet, consoling and it bring us to tears and smiles when we feel it…its like a sense of gratitude mixed with being loved mixed with sense of being cared and caring…in summary you feel that you are being look after. Some may have call it peace but i take it as Strength from ALLAH SWT.
Like the sister above, alhamdulillah my husband is now at my side. We are building back the happiness that was destroyed during the ordeal. He returned a changed person. Mostly good and more pious but also have become someone that i have never known (from the past 20 years that i have known him…he has never been temperamental, harsh and dominant). The best friend in him was gone and he is a stranger to me now. Some might have take this as bad, but i think everything comes from ALLAH is good. Maybe this change is good for me to re calibrate my love towards my husband into a permissible love by ALLAH SWT instead of the deep obsessive love which i may have mistaken it as true love before. (true love only exist between ALLAH and HIS creation, i eventually learned).
My journey has not ended and i am still struggling to FORGIVE him (which i am in dire need of advise on this). On forgiveness, my first promise to myself and ALLAH is that i will stay and workout on this marriage because i want and need to forgive my husband no matter what the outcome or circumstances will be. Lillahitaala.
I pray for all the sisters who suffered betrayal, abandonment, isolation, pain etc will be strong and patient to endure their test. I pray that we will constantly have great patience, sincerity and gratitude to persevere and pass Allah’s test with flying colors. I pray that Allah will grant us deen in our hearts and light within us that shines so brightly that can help us to constantly fight the darkness festering and eating up our souls. I pray that Allah make us so beautiful inside and outside like HIS angels in jannah. I pray for Allah’s everlasting love to fill our entire hearts and souls that makes us feel sufficient and grateful with every single thing we have and not craving for more in dunya, but only akhirat. (afterlife)
Please pray for me too.